The next morning Katelyn hadn't forgotten the story I told her about Grandma. First thing at breakfast, she was telling Uncle Bryce about it.
"When I be a baby, I saw Grandma and she be an angel! And I laughed! And I be so happy!"
(I of course had to explain where this was coming from.)
It was Friday and the kids and I were ready to go have some fun. My dad dropped us off at the Discovery Children's Museum where we spent most of the morning. The kids had such fun with all the learning centers. There was a play grocery store where they could pretend to shop and be cashier, also a play airport with airplane, a post office, and a mechanic shop where the kids worked on a little car, pretending to change the oil and change tires, etc... Upstairs in the museum there was a discovery floor where the kids could walk into a lifesized camera to see how it worked, and their favorite was a tornado simulator. For a curious 2 (almost 3) year old, it was fantastic fun! And Carson and Karlee thought it was the best day ever.
When we returned to Grandpa's house that afternoon, the kids got in their swimsuits and played in the backyard swimming pool. It was just a little chilly being October, but that didn't stop any of them. Katelyn had on every floating device possible. She had arm floaties and an intertube around her waist, and goggles. She was the cutest little water-baby, you ever did see. I stayed right there by her the whole time, and I took a bunch of pictures of her playing with the kids. (Now, to see those pictures of this perfect day just about kills me. They are still so painful.)
Me with Baby Kortney in Vegas, (little Katelyn is behind us)
That night before bed, I again had my special time with Kate. It was her mommy-and-me time. We were in our own little world, just the two of us, while the rest of the house slept. She was very tired, but this time, she was trying to help ME settle.
Lately, I had been feeling very anxious. I thought it was because of the new baby and all. I'd been trying to adjust to the demands of four children, and my anxiety levels had been pretty high. I had thought this trip would help, but that night I felt more restless than ever. I wondered if sleep would even be possible.
But there I was again with my little girl. At home she had a favorite book that we would read. It was a Halloween story about a little monster getting ready for bed, and her momma-monster tucking her in. It was a sweet little story reflecting the special bond between a little monster and her mommy. (As you can tell, I also loved this book.) When the little monster finally dozed off to sleep, she snored softly, "Wee-wee, snoo-snoo..."
Back in the moment, Katelyn smiled at me sleepily with her beautiful brown eyes. She played with my hair and tried to help me fall asleep. I kissed her cheek and told her I loved her.
I relished in that moment as she radiated love and peace to my tired mind. She whispered to me as she drifted off to sleep, "Shh... Go sleep mom. Say, "Wee-wee, snoo-snoo." Wee-wee, snoo-snoo, momma."
The next morning is mostly a blur. I remember being excited to take the girls to Build a Bear for the first time. I was busily getting everyone ready for the day, and also tending to the baby. The kids were playing inside and out together... when suddenly everything stopped on a dime. In one instant, our world as we knew it completely changed. Katelyn had slipped into the pool and just like that, she was gone. (The reality of this is still so hard for me for me to believe - that she could be here one minute and gone the next. I don't know if I can explain just how hard it is to wrap your mind around this as a parent. It's just so unreal.)
The paramedics came quickly. She wasn't responding to cpr and so they rushed her to the hospital in the ambulance. The fire chief took special interest in me. He first made me change into dry clothes, then he tucked me in the back cab of the fire engine behind the driver, and he escorted me to the hospital. I remember my heart was racing, and my breathing was trying to keep up with the pounding in my chest. This kind fire chief knew I was scared, and he reached over and took my hand. I was surprised at his compassion, and I appreciated his sincerity. I was grateful to him for making sure I got to the hospital quickly to be with my daughter.
When we arrived at the hospital, he led me thru the emergency doors and down a hallway (it seemed forever long but it probably wasn't). I remember the thought came to me - "These next minutes are going to be hard." Instantly I felt as though I had someone on both sides of me, walking with me, helping me put one foot in front of the other.
Then I was looking in on my little girl through big windows, watching the many people working over her. Very quickly, my dad and Carson met me there in the hallway. They had been downtown when they got the call, and they came immediately. My mom, the baby and Karlee didn't come until a little later.
I remember being glad my dad was there. But I didn't know how this was going to be for my 9 year old son. I didn't want him to have to experience this. But he was there, nonetheless, and he faced that difficult moment with me when we were told that Katelyn was gone.
I'm not really sure what happened next. I remember breaking down in my dad's arms... and for a moment everything stopped. I don't know how long my dad held me, but I was brought back to the moment when that same fire chief touched my arm. He got my attention and reminded me that my son was still there, by himself, standing at the side of Katelyn's bed.
I turned to Carson blankly, lost in my thoughts, trying to think of the right thing to say... I knelt down beside him and before I could say a word, my "grown up" little boy wrapped his arms around me to comfort ME and said the very words I needed to hear.
"Mom, its okay. She's in a better place."
I couldn't believe the maturity and the strength this little boy mustered while we were standing there in her hospital room. My son showed super hero strength in those dire moments. I think it was his words that helped me face the next difficult steps in those next several minutes (and then days.) I will forever be grateful to him for being a rock for me to lean on.
(to be continued...) see "The Power of Love and Family"
The paramedics came quickly. She wasn't responding to cpr and so they rushed her to the hospital in the ambulance. The fire chief took special interest in me. He first made me change into dry clothes, then he tucked me in the back cab of the fire engine behind the driver, and he escorted me to the hospital. I remember my heart was racing, and my breathing was trying to keep up with the pounding in my chest. This kind fire chief knew I was scared, and he reached over and took my hand. I was surprised at his compassion, and I appreciated his sincerity. I was grateful to him for making sure I got to the hospital quickly to be with my daughter.
When we arrived at the hospital, he led me thru the emergency doors and down a hallway (it seemed forever long but it probably wasn't). I remember the thought came to me - "These next minutes are going to be hard." Instantly I felt as though I had someone on both sides of me, walking with me, helping me put one foot in front of the other.
Then I was looking in on my little girl through big windows, watching the many people working over her. Very quickly, my dad and Carson met me there in the hallway. They had been downtown when they got the call, and they came immediately. My mom, the baby and Karlee didn't come until a little later.
I remember being glad my dad was there. But I didn't know how this was going to be for my 9 year old son. I didn't want him to have to experience this. But he was there, nonetheless, and he faced that difficult moment with me when we were told that Katelyn was gone.
I'm not really sure what happened next. I remember breaking down in my dad's arms... and for a moment everything stopped. I don't know how long my dad held me, but I was brought back to the moment when that same fire chief touched my arm. He got my attention and reminded me that my son was still there, by himself, standing at the side of Katelyn's bed.
I turned to Carson blankly, lost in my thoughts, trying to think of the right thing to say... I knelt down beside him and before I could say a word, my "grown up" little boy wrapped his arms around me to comfort ME and said the very words I needed to hear.
"Mom, its okay. She's in a better place."
I couldn't believe the maturity and the strength this little boy mustered while we were standing there in her hospital room. My son showed super hero strength in those dire moments. I think it was his words that helped me face the next difficult steps in those next several minutes (and then days.) I will forever be grateful to him for being a rock for me to lean on.
(to be continued...) see "The Power of Love and Family"
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