Memorial Day...

I use to look forward to Memorial Day.  Growing up, my family always planned a trip to the cabin - we’d go boating, or fishing, or camping, four-wheeling, etc…  We loved having the three day weekend to enjoy a little time away, to play and also catch up on some R & R (rest and relaxation.)   Memorial Day was the kick-off to summer.  It was always fun family-time together.

Really, there isn’t anything wrong with this – making memories with our families is so very important.   But I have to admit, my feelings and perspective on Memorial Day have certainly changed as I’ve gotten older, and especially since our family has experienced grief so personally.

My family didn’t often go to the cemeteries while I was growing up.  We lived in a different state from our grandparents, and we didn’t travel their direction for Memorial Day very often.   Honestly, we rarely stopped at cemeteries to place flowers on anyone’s burial place.   But, there again, I never really had anyone close to me pass away when I was younger.   I knew Memorial Day was to honor and remember those who have died, and I knew that it was a time to pay tribute to the many Veterans who had fought for freedom, even laid down their lives for the cause.   I respected both my Grandpas who had fought in World War II and Korea and lived to tell about it.  Their stories made me grateful that I hadn’t seen war like they had.  I was blessed to grow up in a peaceful time.   I never knew anyone who had died at war.   Looking back, I know there were so many things I took for granted. 

I remember when the Iraqi war started in 2003…   It was right around our Spring Break  and I remember being fixed to the TV,  watching the news coverage as our soldiers went in to invade Iraq.  After the twin towers fell, it seemed war was inevitable,  however it was sad to actually see our military taking necessary action.  It put war into perspective for me.  These soldiers and their families were sacrificing so much to ensure freedom and to prevent terrorism.  It shook me a little because I knew it meant that peaceful times were behind us, and it might not ever be the same.  I was emotional every time I heard about more service members who’d lost their lives.   What a high price to pay.  I felt humbled, and thankful for what they were so willing to give.  I saw these men and women as heroes – they were courageously doing what I couldn’t imagine doing myself - and they were doing it for me, and my family, and everyone living in this great country.   I felt a great respect and concern for them, and I looked forward to the day we could bring them home.  In hindsight, the sacrifice seems ten fold, because the war on terrorism has continued for so long - and since the start, thousands of our soldiers have been killed and wounded.

On Memorial Day 2008, Scott and I took our little family to see our town's representation of the Field of Heroes.  Every year,  in one of our high school soccer fields, a temporary memorial is made to resemble national cemeteries (like Arlington) with thousands of small white markers, honoring every service member who died in Iraq or Afghanistan since 9/11.  

I remember all three of my children were impressed with the thousands of crosses that covered the field.  My son was very reflective, and took time to pause and read the name, rank and date written on several of the markers.  

Katelyn was just little, only 18 months old.  She loved waving the flag that a retired Veteran had given her on the way in.   She also took time to quietly sit down by a few markers.  I was impressed with the amount of respect  and understanding she seemed to have at such an early age.  I captured a lot of her reflective moments on camera.  To this day, these photos are special to me.  Who could’ve guessed that in less than a year and a half, we would be paying her respect at her own little resting place.  (That just really pulls at my heart strings.)

Today, my kids are no strangers to cemeteries.  No family should ever have to be this familiar with a little plot of land south of town – but it's here where our little girl’s body has been laid to rest too soon, and it is here where we frequently come to honor her.    Her brother and sisters have all been here many MANY times – and they willingly and lovingly leave notes, color pages, flowers, or small gifts for Kate.   It hasn’t gotten any easier.   After 5 years, it is still a very solemn experience for all of us.

Most certainly, Memorial Day has become a different day for us.  Obviously, I don’t look forward to it like I used to.   It’s a difficult day for me.  It’s never easy to be reminded that my little girl’s body is under this patch of sod and stone – and she’s not here for me to hold.   It’s something a parent should never have to do, bury a child.   My heart goes out to any parent who ever has.  

It’s not easy for my kids, either.  Carson has a difficult time coming to the cemetery.   For him, it’s a painful reminder of the worst day of his life  (those are his words.)   To this day, we all hate the word DEAD,  in fact we all try to avoid saying that word in the same sentence with her name…    Also such words as GRAVE, HEADSTONE, and even BURIED are all difficult words for us to use when talking about our little girl.  We are very clear with our young children when we discuss things, but in our normal conversations about Kate, we are sensitive and careful with our words.   Katelyn doesn’t have a headstone - she has a BENCH (or marker).   We don’t visit her GRAVE - we go to Katelyn’s PLACE.  I know there are people who would argue with me about using correct words and terminology, but seriously…  WE DO WHAT WORKS BEST FOR US, and that includes what hurts the least.  That’s as it should be for any little family like ours.

Though it is a difficult day, Memorial Day is something we’ve come to honor and respect more than we ever have before.   There is a reverence and sacredness that accompanies this holiday.   This is a day when we are given a moment to pause and reflect - when grief is allowed, accepted, and shared.    There is something about coming to this beautiful, peaceful place - along with so many others who also come to pay respect to their loved ones.   There is a mutual respect between us, the Bereaving.   We have felt the same heartache, and have borne similar burdens.  When I see friends here at the cemetery visiting their loved one’s resting place, I feel genuine love and empathy for them -  and I feel theirs in return for me.  I am thankful for their understanding, and I also know that I am not alone.  

I‘m especially grateful for the opportunity to share my respect with those who’ve lost family members while in the service.   It is because of their soldier’s bravery that I am able to live such an extraordinary life in this great country.   These bereaving families deserve our respect and humble gratitude for their loved one’s service and sacrifice.

It means a lot to me when people stop by Katelyn’s Place.  It's good to see that they haven’t forgotten her.  It warms my heart to know that her life touched and blessed others, and that she lives on in their hearts.   It means so much that they love and miss her, and that her life continues to make a difference.   It must be the same for the families of these Service Men and Women when we stop and honor them, and their sacrifice. 

May we never take our blessings for granted - Our friends, our families, our freedoms, our great country and OUR PEACE (in every aspect.)  And may we always pause to be grateful.  

It's not that our family doesn't have any fun on Memorial Day...  After visiting Kate's Place at the cemetery, our family always spends some family time doing something that lifts our spirits.   

We are always thinking of our Katelyn.   We don't need a special holiday for that.  She is forever in our hearts.  But we are grateful to have a day when the world slows down enough for us to take a deep breath, and give pause to honor her beautiful life.

My sincere love and respect to all those who remembered - and are remembered this Memorial Day.  God Bless.